Soliloquies
by soliloquent
Summary: Our trust in that which we know not remains, we hang on to our binds and love our chains. Sometimes it's only yourself you can trust, and sometimes it's only others. What's worse, for one mech, any form of trust will only lead to his downfall. AU


_**Anna// First off, this is AU. As in, alternate universe. Continuity and such has almost no place here. I'm also throwing in some human terms, mother and father, for example. Sorry if that isn't how you roll, but I'm not forcing you to read this. (Though, if I find myself having to force people to read my fanfiction, it may be time to reconsider this whole 'writing' thing.) Second, I want your reviews. Even if you hate everything about this story and just want to tell me to go back to playing with my action figures. Constructive criticism is especially welcome. I'm pretty sure anon reviews are enabled, so you shouldn't even have to log in. Third, and last, I don't own Transformers and I'm not making money from this. So please don't try to sue me. **_

_**Warnings// Alternate universe, minor original characters, character death, language, violence, eventual romantic themes**_

_**(Oh, and I know his name is not Starstream, but surprisingly, I do have a reason for saying it is.)**_

"_Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste of death but once."_

_-William Shakespeare_

My name is Starstream. Like most other seekers in my generation, my parents had named me after themselves. My mother was Mindstream. I never much cared for her, or the name she gave me. Stream is _not_ a name for a mech. Then there was Starbreaker, my father. I have a strong suspicion that my parents hated me. Or were at least hoping for a femme. Why they chose Starstream over Mindbreaker is beyond me. And then my parents left me, young, alone, and with a hideously feminine name.

* * *

"Starstream, you've lost it. You've finally lost it."

"Excuse me? The only thing I've lost is your faith! And what is a life without faith? You want me to die, don't you? You hate me!"

"Stop! You're being ridiculous!"

"Ridiculous? Now you're insulting me?! You never did like me as much as the others! I should have known you would do this!"

"Please, control your emotions. You know I care about you! You shouldn't say hurtful things unless you mean them. How would you feel if you never got to apologize?"

"I shouldn't have to worry about whether or not I'll be able to apologize, because you shouldn't ever leave me, Cloudscape! You promised you wouldn't!"

"Listen, 'stream. I'm not leaving you. We'll be back before you know it, me, Nightseeker, Atmosphere, all of us! It's just a routine patrol. We'll be back before you can even miss us. I promise."

"But why can't I go?"

"Atmosphere already told you, you're too young--"

"Slag Atmosphere! You said it wasn't dangerous, I should be able to go!"

"Don't talk like that, it's disrespectful. I don't necessarily agree with him either, but he's trine leader. What he says goes."

"... You promise you'll be right back? Tomorrow?"

"Of course. Now, go recharge. You can even stay in tomorrow morning, if you want. We might be back when you wake up."

"Fine. Goodnight, Cloudscape."

"Goodbye, Starstream."

* * *

Starstream awoke suddenly, feeling very alone and unusually tired. He spent several moments recollecting himself before sliding slowly off the berth he had been recharging on. Still feeling dazed, he walked over to the wall and leaned on it gently. A strange sense of foreboding occupied his processor, but he had yet to figure out the cause. _You're just nervous because Cloudscape is gone. Go back to bed._ He was sorely tempted to side with his exhaustion on the matter, but something else told him that this, whatever _this _was, went beyond the absence of his older friend.

Unable to find anything wrong with the wall he was resting on, he turned to one of the room's many windows. He was shocked to find the panels were all closed, and the bolts were fastened. The bolts themselves were strange. He knew there was no way he had bolted them, seeing as he hadn't known they _could _be bolted, but he wasn't inclined to believe that someone had come in during the night to lock them.

He checked his internal chronometer and was surprised to find he had slept a couple hours longer than normal. He almost never woke up late, especially if there was something on his mind. Then again, he didn't tend to sleep with the windows closed, either. Just as he was thinking this, the bolts on the windows rattled and the whole room seemed to shake.

Starstream let out an undignified shriek and ran to press himself back against the wall.

"Orbit!" He called the name of his watcher, one of Cloudscape's friends who had been left in charge while he was gone. When he got no answer, he tried again, louder. "Orbit, please!"

He still received no answer, which would have normally put him in a very bad mood, but, and he hated to admit it, he was too scared to be angry. He ran over and threw himself at the door to his room. He slammed his hand on the release button, desperate to escape the room. He let out a stream of words Cloudscape would have dubbed 'disrespectful' when the door did not open. He pressed the button again, several times. The door still refused to move.

Now feeling thoroughly helpless, he looked at the door with a mixture of fury and apprehension. He opened his subspace compartment and tentatively pulled out a blaster he was not necessarily supposed to have. He had received it from Nightseeker, one of Cloudscape's trine, with instructions to keep it for emergencies only. He had never been in an emergency before, and therefore had never been able to constitute using it, but that didn't matter now. He aimed in the general direction of the door's control panel. Unsurprisingly, he missed the panel completely, but still managed to blast a hole in the door wide enough for him to reach through and release the door from the other side.

He felt inappropriately satisfied as the door finally opened with a screech. He stepped through the metal arch as the building gave another shake. He leaned against the frame to balance himself, then broke into a run towards the room across from his. The door had already been opened, much in the same fashion as his own had been, but whoever had opened it had seen fit to rip the door from the wall after blasting it. The door, if it could be called that anymore, was lying forgotten on the floor.

The room was devoid of life, answering the question of why Orbit hadn't come to his rescue when he called. However, the door, along with scorch marks on the floor and wall, indicated that maybe Orbit had required some rescue of his own. Starstream did a quick but efficient body check, and was intensely relieved not to find any offline mechs lying about.

Deciding it would be wise to find someone who could tell him what was going on, he left the room and broke into a run towards the building's entrance. He didn't stop at any of the other rooms, as they all appeared to have been given the same treatment as Orbit's.

"Orbit!" Starstream tried to keep the shriek out of his vocation, as he was often teased about the shrill nature of his voice, but was terribly unsuccessful. His call was also unsuccessful, and another tremble was the only response.

The sudden tremble sent him flying ungracefully to meet the ground, and when he pulled himself back up, he proceeded in a cautious walk towards the front of the building. He walked over to the exit doors, an indescribable premonition of dread falling over him.

One of the doors had been marked with a symbol he was not familiar with. It somewhat resembled the Autobot symbols mechs from other cities sometimes wore, but it was more triangular and sinister-looking. The symbol itself was strange enough, but the substance it had been written it, a substance that appeared to be energon, meant more to him that the shape.

He trembled slightly as another feeling of apprehension washed over him. He pressed the panel on the wall and waited for the doors to open. He didn't know what he thought he would find, he was starting to suspect he was trapped in a dream anyway, but when the doors slid open, he knew this was nothing his subconscious mind could have come up with.

It took him mere moments of looking at his city to bring him to his knees. Buildings lay in rubble, dead mechs lay dead where they had fallen in the streets, and huge columns of smoke and explosions still destroyed what was left of the city in the distance. He let out a choked sob, too terrified to do anything but stare as his life literally fell apart around him. Friends, family, money, reputation, all that could, and had, left him before, but his city had always remained constant. To see his once great home reduced to ashes was more than he was willing to comprehend.

He stood up slowly and began moving forward in a dream-like state, only pausing momentarily to step over dead, or maybe they were still dying, bodies. The city gate. That was his destination. He didn't know what, or who, he was looking for, but the city gate would be where he found it.

Time progressed quickly in the trance he was in, which he was somewhat grateful for. When he saw the gates, or what were previously the gates, he broke into a clumsy run. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw a flash of too-familiar red in the corner of his peripheral. He turned slowly, agonizingly, to the flash, which turned out to be the better part of a spark casing. A red spark casing. A red spark casing with a sickeningly recognizable scar. The clouds over his mind scattered instantly and a single thought entered his processor. _Cloudscape is dead._

Starstream screamed.


End file.
